Adoption Investigation

Last night I had a wonderful conversation with an acquaintance on her journey to adoption. Similar to many women, she had one child biologically but ended up with secondary fertility issues. Instead of trying IVF, her husband and her decided to reduce the heartache risk and use the money and their emotions and start the adoption process. This woman was adopted herself so it was amazing to see that she was going to pass on the gift of a home that her mother did to her 30 some years ago.

My husband and I have talked a little about adoption but it is too early in our fertility journey to decide on it. A major question is, do we do international or domestic adoption. The woman I spoke to last night decided to go the domestic route and should have a baby in her arms in less than a year.

I did some research on international adoption and some restrictions were shocking to me. Here are a few:

Age
Sure, we don't want individuals creeping towards retirement to adopt a baby, but 38?? One country required if a parent was 38 or older, they could only adopt a child over the age of 3. Really? Is 38 the new 58?

Years of Marriage
I agree on one hand that couples should be married for more than a day before adopting but requiring 3-5 years seems a bit much, especially if in those 5 years you surpass the elderly age of 38. In addition, some countries require if one partner had been divorced once, the current marriage needs to longer than those on their first marriage. Really?

Salary
I agree that couples need to be financially settled and assume anyone who can drop $20-30k to adopt a child from an international country, that would put them in that financially sound group. However, this is the kicker. It appeared that the household income averaged about $10k/pp in the house. Really? These groups are willing to hand over a child to a couple who is 25 years old, married for 3 years but only making $20k? Seems a little skewed to me.

All in all, adoption is a wonderful gift, both from the birth mother and the adoptive family. Maybe I am not ready to accept adoption as an option. Maybe it is because after being told my body has failed as a female, now the adoption agencies are judging on more uncontrollable areas such as age and length of marriage, leaving me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Anyone gone through the adoption process or talks with any agencies? What have your experiences been?